Saturday, July 17, 2010

broken girl

Back from my vacation. Had a wonderful time. The concert was lovely. It hurt, but it was still by far the most fun I had in those two weeks. I was in the first row and people were suffocating me and pressing against me and hurting me but I loved it. And they played most of my favourite songs of theirs. And it was literally the first time I screamed since I was a child...

I want to die. And yet at the same time, I don't. haha, I feel so weird right now. Everything feels so funny... And you know what? I'm fucking sick of writing this. I want to keep my problems to myself. Nobody needs to know what's going on in my life. Nobody fucking cares. I seem like some self-centered bitch (which, when I think about it, I am) who just wants attention. I used to be so afraid of what other people thought of me. Now I don't give a shit (though sometimes my social anxiety kicks in again and makes me care, but that's a lot less often since I've been on medication). The weirdest thing is that I actually relied on this blog to make me feel... not better, but I don't know the word for it. When in reality, I end up feeling worse later for letting my problems out to the world. I've found that people suffering from depression live very isolated lives (obviously). They don't share much with anyone. I've been sharing too much. I'm depressed. I might as well be fucking good at it and fit the image of psychotic depression perfectly. Then I'd finally have a talent. And I'll be the best fucking depressed girl on the face of this planet.

If I'm going down
Then I'm going down good
If I'm going down
Then I'm going down clean

If I'm going down
Then I'm going down the prettiest broken girl that you've ever seen.

1 comment: