Friday, July 9, 2010

manipulate me if you can

My dad brought a laptop, so I was able to get on after all...

I'm practically glowing with happiness right now because today I went to the Chinatown in Calgary... No, not a big deal. But, there was an Asian entertainment store where I got two music DVDs, hide and X Japan. And then in some other store I bought a Death Note. Haha, so pathetic... And on the second floor... there was a store... (lots of pauses)... where I bought a pair of black socks with black lace and ribbons at the top. They're beautiful, and when I saw them I thought they would be perfect for lolita. Then I went to the store across from that one, and I saw lolita dresses! I was so shocked and happy at the same time, and the store owner saw me looking at them and helped me choose two (they were on sale for half price, brand name dresses for $80 each, so awesome) and she said a few things about lolita and explained how to make my own petticoat... So I bought a beautiful black dress with bows and lace and ruffles, and a another beautiful black dress with white lace trim. I was so happy, but there were two or three other dresses there that I wanted, haha... Maybe I'll convince my parents to let me go back... no, I don't think so... oh well... I'm still happy.

Yeah, so most of my trip has been good. Only one bad day so far, where I had a mental breakdown in the middle of a dinosaur museum in Drumheller. I climbed the Rocky Mountains, saw a dinner theatre about piano (which was hilarious), met my family, bought a lot of clothing (five dresses, a blouse, and some accessories), saw the parade for the opening of the Stampede (I was dying in the heat though) and at the parade saw a country lolita (not participating, though), and I have bad memory and can't remember anything else... Tomorrow I'm going to an antique mall, Sunday I'm going to the Stampede (hopefully for the whole day, but at least in the evening for the Grandstand Show), and I don't know after that. Oh, I saw the Body Works exhibit at the Science Centre... And I've been burning off most of the calories I consume. On Wednesday and Thursday I'll be staying at a hotel in Edmonton, hopefully I'll find a parasol there.

I also met my niece, who is about three months old... her name is Felicity. I used to hate babies, I thought they were creepy and extremely ugly. Recently, I've started to like them more... My family is really kind, polite, considerate, and talkative, which makes me feel so awkward around them, but I've tried so hard to sound normal. But I've been wearing Goth/GothLoli/CasualLoli clothing everyday so they already think I'm weird. Though I got a lot of compliments on my prince-style Gothic Lolita outfit. And today I smudged black eyeliner around my eyes so I look really tired and put a little bit of red lipliner around them so I look like I haven't slept in weeks. I've tried this makeup before, but never in public.

So, I've been wearing a lot of dresses lately, and though I always wear stockings, I'm more used to loose-fitting jeans, so I've been noticing the shape of my legs a bit more. And I've decided I don't mind my calves, but I hate everything above the knee. I hate my entire arms, I hate my stomach, and I hate my face... I think losing thirty pounds will be a start. And I'll go from there... Since I'm so obsessed with the lolita fashion, I've noticed that (obviously) fat girls look terrible in it, healthy weight girls look okay, underweight girls look beautiful, and severely underweight girls don't look so good, though it's probably just because the clothing isn't made to fit stick thin girls. Otherwise, they'd look fabulous... So I'm not setting a goal, I'm just going to lose weight until I'm happy.

While I was walking to the house I'm staying at today, I started singing Miss Lucy Had Some Leeches in a dramatic voice. My family was way behind me (I walk fast) so they didn't hear me, and people in cars saw my lips moving and probably thought I was singing along to my iPod, but it was actually turned off. And I got enough stares because of my dress and stockings anyway (mostly from little girls, but also random adults), so that was amusing. I love peoples' expressions when they see me. Mostly positive from adults (at least in lolita, not goth), mostly negative from youth...

So I don't know when my next post will be, but it's not like anybody cares anyway. I write this blog for my own amusement and well-being, anyway. I have two selves: the one I show to the public because of my social anxiety, and the one I'm able to express freely. Here, I can be myself. So that's why I write this...

1 comment:

  1. Haha, I like reading your posts, so I care :P I feel like I can relate to you a lot, believe it or not.
    Frick, I totally want to go out and get black dresses now. I'm jealous of your new clothes!!
    Haha, I was in Drumheller last year for a camp at that exact museum! God, that was interesting..
    Have a good weekend [: