Sunday, November 28, 2010

Let them condemn

I haven't cut this much in about half a year. It feels good. I feel good. Nobody can change that. I will never feel bad, terrible, horrible ever in my life because I... Will get my revenge. I fucking swear. The quote that got me through the day is from Otep's song Crooked Spoons. 'Crooked spoons on every wall, genocide lines the hall, ten guage needles and a prayer, smearing sin everywhere.' i've been repeating it over and over and over again. Otep is amazing... You will know me by the scars I bear, you will know me by the hate I swear...

My favourite song by her is Milk of Regret, at the moment. The second song I heard of theirs... I just can't forget the blood, the stitches, the bite marks, the kisses... The glass memories reflecting back. I was so naive, I refuses to feed, waiting for you to notice me...

I am so sick
sick of this
sick of life
sick of you
sick of lies
sick of myself
sick of being sick
I had just come out of my fucking goddamn depressive state and now here I fucking am again. With the fucking scars to fucking prove I was fucking here.
BUT I don't feel horrible because I will never feel that way again. I feel great. I like the depression. It's better than you'll ever be. It keeps me company on the worst days of my life, when nobody else will.

Group therapy for girls who are depressed, mutilating themselves, and suicidal. I might be going to it. But I have social anxiety so maybe not.

Depression is the most wonderful mental illness ever so fuck you

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